As some of you know, I was never a pug person. I was always an
English bulldog person. When I met my husband, David, all he talked
about was growing up with a pug and wanting a pug. After we got
married, I figured I would probably never be able to afford a bully
so I decided a pug was as close as I ever would get to one. Well,
the day we brought Nessa home, my life changed forever. I knew she
was an angel and she had little invisible sparkly wings.
It didn’t take long for her to worm her way into my heart and for me
to fall head over heels in love with her. She was a special little
girl! I knew it within the first week of having her. She could be
mischievous but was still special nonetheless. Even with her wings,
her invisible little horns would show from time to time.
She was the smartest little girl I ever had. It took her no time at
all to learn the ropes and my hubby had her trained to do a lot. She
would even shook her head “yes” and “no” at the appropriate times to
let us know if she wanted something. Don’t get me wrong, she could
be as obstinate as the next pug, but when push came to shove, she
knew what she had to do. I have a son who is deaf, so she had even
learned sign language. She understood him when he tried to use his
voice and would come running to him when he called her name in his
She waited on the porch everyday for the kids to come home from
school. It was like she could tell time. At 3:50 PM everyday, she
would go to the door and whine for me to sit on the porch with her
so she could watch for my neighbor (who brings my daughter home) and
for my son’s bus. As soon as she seen them coming, she was ready to
greet them and listen to the day’s report. She would actually sit at
their feet, cock her little head, and never take their eyes off them
until they were done talking.
Most people that knew her could identify her by the one bottom tooth
that hung out over her top lip. The last pug meetup we attended with
her, a little boy come up and said, “I know this is Nessa, her tooth
is hanging out!” She even won the “Worst Teeth” contest at the
Spring PugFest 2004. What an accomplishment for a puggy mommy to be
proud of! That was her trademark, though.
I feel very blessed that I had the pleasure of Nessa for the short 3
½ years of her life. She brought me many laughs, heartwarming
moments and peaceful nights! I could always count on her being in
tune to how I was feeling emotionally and physically. I suffer from
clinical depression…on the bad days, she was by my side. Close but
not so close that she would annoy me. If I cried, she licked my
tears. I also suffer from an illness called Myoclonus…on the days my
health let me down, she never did. She would snuggle as close as she
could. Again, licking my tears as the pain and tremors took over my
body. On happy days, she would be her silly side and make me laugh.
She was always a ham and ready to entertain.
I believe Nessa was brought to me by the pug gods for a reason. I
believe that reason was to bring me into the rescue. Without her, it
never would have crossed my mind. Through her, I have been able to
help many a pug health wise and find their forever home. I was also
able to open my heart and home to a wonderful little gal named
Gretchen that needed a forever home. I think this was her purpose
and the gods decided she had fulfilled this purpose and it was time
for her to spread her little invisible angel wings and come back to
them to help the next person. I hope the next person will understand
how special she is. I hope they will “see” her invisible wings.
On February 12, 2001 a package was delivered for me to claim. A
gift. Little did I know that on September 10, 2004 that gift would
have to be returned.
The house woke at their usual time and the usual routines were done.
Nessa needed to go out to potty after eating breakfast. We always
let her out in the front yard. We live in a nice quiet neighborhood,
away from busy streets and traffic. For some reason, on this
morning, my Nessa decided to go greet the little boy across the
street as he was trying to get on his bus. She loved this little
boy, and I feel she knew he was a “special” child as is my son. It
was a very foggy morning. My daughter yelled at her to get back in
the yard but as she turned to come back, the bus didn’t see her, and
that was it. My daughter yelled her name and I was instantly out the
door running to the street for her. She looked up at me once as if
to say “Mommy, I love you!” and was gone just as quick.
I lay in the middle of the street, in my nightgown and held her as
she spread those little wings and left me. I held her for a long
time. I cried, I screamed, I cursed. My baby was gone and I felt
responsible. I felt I didn’t deserve to have ANY dog! What kind of
pet owner am I?
Why did I let her out at that time? Why did I let her out front? Why
couldn’t it have been one of the dogs that nobody pays attention to?
Well, the answer to all of those is simple…it was time for her to go
home. It doesn’t matter if I wasn’t ready. If it didn’t hurt like
this, I would know she didn’t leave a mark on me, on my life, on the
I will miss my Nessa forever! She will never be forgotten in the
Lindsey home. I will see her again, and recognize her when I do. I
will then feel blessed again in knowing she is with another family,
helping them as she helped us. I will probably bore each and every
one of you with stories of my baby girl. You will just have to grin
and bear it.
Nessa, mommy loves you too. I love you more than I could ever show